Ladies of Lallybroch - Lady Abby's Sausage Contest

Lady Abby's Contest
"10 Reasons Why a Man is Better Than a Sausage"

13-April-1999

Greetings Ladies and Laddies of Lallybroch:

A NEW CONTEST!!!

Some time back the subject of a commercially published list called "100 Reasons Why a Cucumber is Better than a Man" came up at a chat I attended. As it happened, I was in search of a contest because I have a book to give away. Sorry, it isn't a book by our beloved DG, but it's not a bad "while we wait" story called *Bride of the Mist* by Christina Skye. It takes place in England and Scotland, and the hero is a Scottish laird. The story is set in the present, but there are flashbacks into history and there is a helpful ghost as well. The reason I'm giving it away is that I asked my mother for it for Christmas and then (being a real Hoser) forgot and bought it myself. So having read it, I can say with conviction that it is a really good read.

So put on your thinking caps and rattle your funny bones! Entries for this contest are to be lists: "10 Reasons Why a Man is Better Than a Sausage" Overall funniest entry (in my opinion!) wins. I am the sole judge, because it's *my* book *VBG* , but our wondrous Lady Judie has graciously offered to strip identifiers off e-mails and forward them to me. Send your lists to her at judolf2000@apexmail.com.

CONTEST DEADLINE!!!!!!!!!!!

Deadline for entries is midnight (your time, wherever you are) 27 April 1999. Make me laugh!

Lady Abby

CONTEST WINNERS!

12-May-1999

Finally, the announcement you've all been waiting for! The winners of the "10 Reasons why a Man is Better than a Sausage" contest!

Drum Roll Please............

First Prize Winner - Lady Robyn D!

She chose Bride of the Mist by Christina Skye, donated by Lady Abby, and The Gift by Julie Garwood.

1.	After you eat a sausage, it is gone. You can eat a man and still have it to do again and again. :0
2.	If you want to have "fun" with a sausage, you have to do the moving. A man does his own moving, leaving you free to enjoy it. ;)
3.	A sausage won't keep you warm, unless you just took it out of the pan, then it will go bad shortly. A man can be bad and still be good. ;)
4.	A sausage if it is hot will talk to you through heart burn. A man will talk to you when you can get the TV remote away from him and he has no choice.;) Of course you may not want to hear what he has to say.
5.	When there is a spider in the house, you can hit it with the sausage, but it is still way too close to the spider for me. A man can kill the spider while you are outside. :0
6.	A sausage my be dinner, but a man can take you out to dinner.
7.	You can eat a sausage, but if you play your cards right, a man may eat you. :-0
8.	No matter how much you ask it, a sausage will not wash your hair or your back for you in the shower. A man will, if he is properly enticed. ;0
9.	If you need something heavy moved, a sausage is absolutely no help, unless you bribe a man from next door with a sausage dinner. ;0 A man can do that for you and even mow the grass sometimes.
10.	The best one I can think of. A sausage can be talked to, but it won't be your friend. A man, if you are lucky, can be more than just a man, he can be your best friend, too. Mine is. I am lucky that way.

Second Prize Winner: Lady Marnie

She chose The Outlaw and The Heart Breaker by Nicole Jordan.

1.	You dont have to look at the expiration date to see if he is still fresh.
2.	You don't have to worry about gaining weight if you eat your man -they say it actually burns calories....
3.	You won't have to wait until you bite into him to find out if he is "mild -spicy or hot" -if your playing with his sausage - you aught to already know this:)
4.	You don't have to examine him to make sure he is lean - I don't think you can have a "fatty" ahhheemmmm -well...you know....
5.	You don't have to worry if his "wrapping/casing " is edible or not......trust me - it's not....
6.	You don't have to worry that someone's eaten all the sausage - you can always go back for a second helpin.....I'm sure he won't mind....
7.	When you get him hot -he won't start popping and leaking fat onto you....unless of course you like that sort of thing:)
8.	There won't be any unidentifiable objects to get stuck in your teeth when eating him....and if there is I would advise getting him to see a doctor QUICK!!!!
9.	You can eat him raw without worrying about undercooked meat.....you heat his up as you go along .....
10.	And finally- It is considered "THE OTHER WHITE MEAT" -and declared healthy for you....so do your man a favor and eat more meat!!!!!!!!!

Third Prize Winner: Lady Catherine F.

She receives Brazen Angel and Brazen Heiress by Elizabeth Boyle.

10.	A sausage can't whisper "mo nighean donn" in your ear.
9.	A sausage can't bring you coffee in the morning.
8.	A sausage in a kilt?, Well.........it's no the same.
7.	Being pursued by a band from the 9th dragoons? Don't expect help from a sausage.
6.	A sausage can make a fine dinner, but can it choose the perfect wine to go with it?
5.	Like jewelry as gifts? None from a sausage.
4.	A sausage will never offer to help with the dishes.
3.	A sausage can't dance.
2.	Only a man can spoon with you while you sleep.
	And the number one reason a man is better than a sausage...
1.	No Greasy Sheets.

The entries were all a blast and great fun to read. Thank you to everyone. Congratulations to the winners.

And, just to keep you all laughing, here are the rest of the entries, in no particular order.

Lady Evelyn:

10.	A man won't start to smell funny after a couple of weeks without refrigeration (a couple of weeks without a SHOWER, however...)
9.	No mechanical device needed to secure the working part of most men for use (unless you REALLY want to, I guess)
8.	Eating SAUSAGES can give you gas -- as opposed to a goofy grin.
7.	No need to fuss with cooking time -- and the recipe is simpler... (Again, for most men)
6.	No need to worry about your fat, salt, and cholesterol restricted diet. (HEALTHY -- um -- eating, here...)
5.	Sausages don't have American Express cards... or send you flowers. (Okay, my husband doesn't either, but I can dream, can't I?)
4.	Men taste better with chocolate sauce and whipped cream (see #7 above).
3.	Never a worry about offending vegetarians, only prudes.
2.	Sausages are NOT aerobic. Men can be, especially if done correctly.
1.	OOOOOOOH, that hot pepper!!

The Old Curmudgeon, aka TOC, aka McFreditor, aka Fred:

10.	At least with a man, you know what's in it.
9.	With sausages you have to peel off the casing to get to what you want.
8.	Sausages are far more bland and don't even taste salty.
7.	Sausage meat has to be whacked into shape before you can enjoy it.
6.	A man is warmer than a sausage.
5.	Sausage isn't kosher.
4.	Little links are tastier than kielbasa.
3.	Men do more than sizzle when they get hot.
2.	For sausages, boiling is a recommended method of preparation.
	And...
1.	Licking sausage juice off your chin isn't nearly as tasty.

Lady Hedy:

1.	A sausage can only be eaten once (although a spicy one will repeat on you), while a MAN can be enjoyed over & over!
2.	A man has his own pre-made filling - sausages don't.
3.	A sausage can't make your toes curl.
4.	You can starve the fat off the man, but you'll never get it out of the sausage.
5.	You can wash the grease off the man, but you'll never get it out of the sausage.
6.	Like Ball Park Franks (no "Frank" pun intended here) they plump when you heat them.
7.	A Sausage can't come when you call it.
8.	A Sausage can't massage your shoulders, your neck, your boobs (oops - thats what usually happens at my house).
9.	Sausages don't have high profile, well paying jobs. (Okay, neither do most men, but, it fit)
10.	That thin skin surrounding a sausage can be peeled off, a man's can't.

Lady Louise gave us 10 reasons why a cucumber is better than a man... How hosed can you get? *VBG*

1.	They don't spill their seeds, unless you run over them with a car.
2.	Selection of cucumbers are up front at the get go.
3.	If you reject one, you don't hurt its feelings.
4.	They stay cool, if you keep them refrigerated.
5.	They have staying power for days.
6.	If you grow tired of them, you can select sandwiches instead of salads.
7.	You peel them, not stroke them.
8.	It is easy to buy more.
9.	You can grow them in your garden, and no one would know.
10.	You can find them in most parts of the world, at least the parts a woman would visit.

Lady Ruth, in her inimitable style: hahahahaha

I can't think of 10 reasons why a man is better than a sausage but I sure as hell can think of 10 reasons why a sausage is better than a man! Probably these won't count but I'll send 'em anyhoo.

1.	Size doesn't matter to a sausage...3" or 8"..it's all the same.
2.	If you reek of garlic they feel right at home.
3.	Sausages can't use the remote control.
4.	Never heard of a 'dead-beat' sausage.
5.	Sausages can be cured.
6.	Sausages don't need their egos stroked...they KNOW they're a sausage.
7.	If you call a sausage a 'wiener' it doesn't go off and sulk for 'bout a hundred years.
8.	A sausage doesn't have a mid-life crisis and start eyeing cans of Vienna Sausages.
9.	Sausages never go anywhere so they don't NEED to ask for directions.
	And the tenth reason why a sausage is better than a man...
10.	They don't bite back.

Merc, Charyl, Hope and a DH (who was NOT Mr. Hope *G*)

10.	Although men probably won't cause the eructation of a spicy aftertaste, they are capable of eructation, which doesn't exactly make them better than sausages. However the simple fact that men are capable of "erect-ation" definitely makes them better than sausages.
9.	With sausage the buns must be purchased separately.
8.	A sausage can only lie on the table, while a man can clear the table and then do it on the table.
7.	A man is capable of replication.
6.	Sausages spoil with age; Men get better.
5.	With sausage you have to make a decision between links and patties.
4.	A sausage tastes great; A man is less filling!
3.	A sausage has no hands, while a man has an infinite number of hands.
2.	If you're a vegetarian you can't have sausage.
1.	A two-inch sausage is always just a two-inch sausage.

Lady Dee:

1.	You can take a man to the movies without drawing attention.
2.	Although Lorena Bobbitt would disagree, a man is usually better whole.
3.	A sausage doesn't get bigger with handling.
4.	A man goes well with white or red wine.
5.	A man's buns are just important.
6.	Unlike Vienna sausages, if a man is good, one is enough.
7.	A man can never be too hot.
8.	A man need not be smoked for keeping over the long winter months.
9.	A man can be hard and tender.
10.	A man never leaves grease stains on your sheets.

Lady Porfyria:

1.	Sawdust is on the outside of men.
2.	Additives in sausages make them soft. Additives for men...
3.	Fatty men don't go straight to your hips and thighs.
4.	Sausages won't do anything around the house, no matter how much you nag them.
5.	Men look more attractive oiled up.
6.	You know what little boys/men are made of - "Snips & Snails & Puppy dog's tails", where as the same can't be said for sausages.
7.	Sausages get old and useless in a few days.
8.	Vegetarians can't eat sausages.
9.	A SNAG you want to keep forever, a sausage you only want to keep for 1 week. (Note: a SNAG is an Australian term for a sausage, but by coincidence is the contraction of a popular term Sensitive New Age Guy)
10.	Going on a date with a sausage just looks silly and pathetic.

Thanks one and all for keeping things around here fun. Thank you Lady Abby for holding this contest.

Judie

sausage bar

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