The Reduced Gabaldon
by
Lady Belinda

 

 


Monday, 11-Oct-1999

To all of you who have limited time available for reading but just can't put the books down, here's Belinda's special new service: the Reduced Gabaldon.

 

Warning: If you haven't read these books yet, these synopsis contain spoilers!

 

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Outlander-in-a-minuteOutlander-in-a-minute:

Claire: I love Jamie but am married to Frank.
Jamie: I love Claire. Who is Frank?
Frank: Where is Claire?
Claire: Now I am married to Jamie too. Tough luck for Frank.
Frank: I still love Claire. Who is Jamie?
BJR: Bother Claire. I want Jamie. Oh no - a stampede of wild Highland cattle....aaaagggghh!
C & J: We are terribly in love, and will never ever be separated.
   
Frank: We'll see about that.


[The End]

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Dragonfly In Amber-in-a-minuteDragonfly In Amber-in-a-minute:

C & J: We are terribly in love. Politics, intrigue, espionage, the French court and the run-up to Culloden; nothing will separate us.
Jamie: I have a price on my head and am lucky to be alive.
Claire: I am a time-travel survivor and am lucky to be alive.
BJR: Hahahh!! I am still alive!
C & J: Oh No!
  (they quarrel. J fights BJR)
BJR: I am impotent (bother) but still alive - hahahh!
C & J: We are reunited. Nothing will separate us now, but we cannot return to Scotland.
  (waves, seasickness, they return to Scotland)
Jamie: There is going to be a battle; you must leave me and return to Frank.
Claire: No, nothing must separate us.
  (20 years separation follows)
Roger: Actually, Jamie is still alive.
   
Claire: !!!?????!!


[The End]

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Voyager-in-a-minuteVoyager-in-a-minute:

Claire: I have raised a child and built career as eminent surgeon, but I cannot forget my Love of 20 years ago.
Jamie: 7 years in a cave, time in clink, an unacknowledged son, a bigamous wife and a career as a smuggler and seditioner, but I cannot forget my Love, etc..
  (time travel, wet cloaks, peanut butter sandwiches later..)
Claire: Jamie!!
Jamie: Claire!!!
  (fainting fit, supper of oysters and a dead revenue man later)
C & J: We are reunited, Hurrah!!
  Mmmphmm, mmphmm and variations on this theme.
  Later.....
Ian: BTW Uncle Jamie did you mention...
Loghwore: ME!!!!!!!
  BANG! Jamie is shot. OUCH! Penicillin is ruthlessly applied. Rapid recovery. Meanwhile, Ian is captured by pirates, J & C in hot pursuit. Waves, storms, seasickness. Very little Mmphmm; partly the fault of Fergus and Marsali.
Marsali: I hate Claire
Claire: Marsali can I help you with this tansy oil?
Marsali: Actually I like Claire after all.
Claire: I liked you until I found out who you were.
LJG: I liked you until I found out who you were.
  Abduction of Claire/fever, illness/woman overboard/pirates/man overboard /yummy turtle soup/OUCH Claire's arm is soaked in best brandy. Alcoholic haze... Mmmmmphm. Major storm, OUCH: Claire has broken leg.
C & J: We are 600 miles off course, but in meantime luckily managed to rescue Ian and bump off evil Geilis. Goody!
   
C & J: Nothing will separate us now!


[The End]

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Drums of Autumn-in-a-minuteDrums of Autumn-in-a-minute:

Claire: I am a wisewoman and healer; 47 plus but still amazingly attractive. I can cook, grow beans, find wild herbs and deliver any baby within 10 miles, with only short detours for the occasional supernatural experience.
Jamie: I may be over 40 but I am still a dab hand at carving a homestead out of a wilderness and particularly skilled at mending roof shingles on cold wet nights.
C & J: BTW, we are still terribly in love. Nothing can come between us now (except Ian on that truckle bed in the corner of the cabin)
  Mphmmm, mphmmmm, mphmmm.
Ian: I play the part of endearing gooseberry much of the time, but obligingly sleep in the herb shed now and again.
Rollo: Woof!
Brianna: Now that my father is dead, I discover I have another father. Luckily I can time-travel to find him.
Roger: I have the hots for Brianna and luckily, I can time-travel too.
Brianna: I am your daughter!
Jamie: Good God; is this my daughter?? How marvellous! Claire will be thrilled.
LJG: Here I am, just happened to be passing, with a surprise visitor!
Jamie: Good God; is this my son?? How marvellous; but he must never know. Claire may not be thrilled. BTW Brianna, did I mention I sold some chap to the Mohawk recently; Wakefield, or some such...
Brianna: !**&&*!!
Jamie: Remorse, remorse, guilt, action action. Roger is saved, but at some cost...
Ian: I'm off to live with the Mohawk. Dinna forget me.
Roger: I'm back. Good God, is that my child?
Brianna: Well....
Bonnet: Good God, is that my child?
Brianna: Er....
   
All: The MacKenzies are here!


[The End]

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The Fiery Cross-in-a-minuteThe Fiery Cross-in-a-minute:

Claire: Between making penicillin, doing laundry, and running the surgery, I never have a moment to spare. Except for Jamie, that is. Mmm...
Jamie: Between supervising tenants, searching for Bonnet, getting grandchildren baptised, and teaching Roger to swordfight, I never have a moment to spare. Except for Claire, of course. Mphm....
Brianna: Between nursing Jemmy and supporting Roger, I never have a moment to.....coming darling!
Roger: Between being a husband and father, fighter and second in command, I never have a moment to......a song, eh? Why not?
Brianna: Nursing a lot right now.
Claire: Busy, busy, busy. Mmm, what an interesting mould...
Brianna: Still nursing.
Jemmy: Mama. Mama.....MAMMAAAAA!!
Lizzie: I'm engaged, but part of my heart still belongs to Ian.
Brianna: Yup, still nursing. Heigh ho.
Claire: Wonder if this one has penicillin in it...just checking...
Roger: And left and right and one and two..I'll make a swordsman yet, even without binocular vision. Let's run down a turkey or two...
Jamie: Why mphm in bed, Claire, when we have this nice cold window ledge...
Roger: Aaaarghh - my neck!Luckily, I am still alive.
Brianna: Yes, I am. Still. Nursing. What's it to you?
Bonnet: Aaaaaghh - my *%^$*! (Am I still alive?)
Jamie: There's a war coming, but not yet.
Claire: Not in this book, actually.
Ian: I'm back!
All: Hurrah!
Lizzie: Ooh!
Jamie and Claire: BTW, we are still terribly in love. Nothing now will separate us - except possibly that forthcoming Revolutionary War. Ah well, cross that bridge when we come to it....


[The End]

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